How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
