the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
