Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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