Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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