my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
