How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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