Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
