Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
