my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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