Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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