I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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