The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
