....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
