So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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