8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
