we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
