my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
birth control should be required to get into college
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
