Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
