We're like a lot better than the average bears
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
