6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
