ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
