And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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