he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize
