Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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