It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
