I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You made out with two different species that night
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
