never play flip cup with pint glasses
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
