I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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