Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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