There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
