My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I would fuck him just for his dog
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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