I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
