i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
