I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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