That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
