u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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