they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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