On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
