I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
