White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
3pm strippers are depressing
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
