just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
