I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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