They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
