I cockslap morals
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
