I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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