I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
