I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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