I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
