If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
