How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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