Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
