I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
