We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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