I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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