i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
