Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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