i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's the barista slut.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
