Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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