and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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