idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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