I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
