plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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