i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
