Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
