Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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