o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
