gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
