So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
