Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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