1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
