I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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