dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
