Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
