So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
