All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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