btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You need a sexual gate keeper
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
