peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
