I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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