Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
